TheMidasPoes

Chief executive of reputational damage.
Takes your money and then blames you.

What Shiny is known for

In his own words, a visionary. In everyone else's, this.

  • Shiny sits on a giant gold padlock, hugging an oversized key

    Holds domains hostage

    Registers your company's name before you do, then names his price. Nothing has ever been built on one.

  • Shiny feeds a printer spewing invoices beside an empty delivery box

    Invoices, never delivers

    The invoice arrives on day one. The work is always arriving next week.

  • Shiny shouts into a phone while banging a gavel on a braai

    Sues everyone (in theory)

    Has threatened to sue 40 people. Has filed against none of them.

  • Shiny in a tinfoil hat, peering through window blinds

    Everything is a conspiracy

    The cousins, the record labels and the coffee are all in on it.

  • Shiny fans out banknotes and points at you

    Takes your money, then blames you

    Counts it in front of you while explaining it's your fault.

  • Shiny takes a selfie with a cardboard cutout of a businessman

    Name-drops people he's never met

    Close personal friend of everyone in the newspaper.

Core competencies

As listed on every CV he has ever sent.

  • AWS Cloud Architecture

    His app lives in the cloud. Nobody, including Shiny, has ever seen it.

  • Systems Architecture

    Built a world-class system for collecting deposits. It is the only part that has ever worked.

  • Multi-tenancy Design

    Sold the same domain name to four different tenants at once.

  • CI/CD & DevOps

    Continuous Invoicing, Continuous Disappearing.

  • Database Design & Migration

    Migrated 340 investors into one WhatsApp group, then quietly left it.

  • Security & Compliance

    Asks every interviewer for their ID number. Complies with nothing.

  • Technical Governance

    Governs everything, technically. Answers to no one. Blames everyone.

  • Vendor Management

    Owes money to every vendor he has ever managed.

  • Infrastructure Administration

    Ran a gazebo into the ground. Literally.

  • Platform Stabilization

    Stood on a crate at a braai for 40 minutes without falling off. His proudest deployment.

  • Cost Optimization

    Cut delivery costs to zero by never delivering anything.

  • DevSecOps

    Developing, securing and operating his escape route to Mozambique.

  • Reliability Engineering

    Has reliably launched "next week" every week since 2022.

212 endorsements (all from Shiny)

Projects

Every venture Shiny has touched, and what became of it.

  1. 2018

    PoesPay

    The plan
    Instant payments for everyone. Shiny took R2.3 million in pre-orders and promised a launch "within the fortnight".
    What happened
    The app shipped as a splash screen with a chilli and the word "Soon". It still says soon.

    Damage: 340 backers and one very active class-action WhatsApp group

  2. 2019

    ShinyCoin

    The plan
    A revolutionary cryptocurrency backed by "vibes and gold". Early investors were promised a 900% return.
    What happened
    Shiny announced a liquidity event, then became liquid himself: unreachable on a boat off Mozambique for six months.

    Damage: The entire investment pool, plus the boat, which was also not his

  3. 2021

    Braaibnb

    The plan
    Uber, but for hiring a braai master. Deposits were collected from 14 families for the launch weekend.
    What happened
    One braai master turned up. It was Shiny. He arrived four hours late with a bag of charcoal and no meat.

    Damage: One gazebo, 14 unrefunded deposits

  4. 2023

    The Midas Poes Academy

    The plan
    A masterclass teaching aspiring founders how to build generational wealth, R9,999 for lifetime access.
    What happened
    Only one module was ever released: "Module 1: Asking people for money". It was, to be fair, very effective.

    Damage: Lifetime access, which ended in March

Why nobody can hire Shiny

Shiny is famously unhirable. He tanks every interview he gets, either by asking for more money than the company makes or by deciding the whole thing is a setup.

Highlights from his interviews

  1. Interviewer

    What are your salary expectations?

    Shiny

    R2 million a month. Paid a year in advance.

  2. Interviewer

    Any questions about the role?

    Shiny

    Which one is the corner office? I'll take that one.

  3. Interviewer

    Do you have any questions for us?

    Shiny

    Yes. Your ID number. For my records.

  4. Interviewer

    Can I get you a coffee?

    Shiny

    Nice try. I know what's in it.

  5. Interviewer

    Where do you see yourself in five years?

    Shiny

    Suing you, probably.

The one that got away

How Shiny took a client's money for an app, held the domain hostage, and then talked himself out of the best job offer of his life.

  1. January

    Shiny shakes a client's hand while snatching an envelope of cash, next to a blank laptop

    The app

    A client pays Shiny R60,000 upfront to build an app. Shiny takes the money. The app never arrives.

  2. April

    Shiny clutches a website icon wrapped in chains and a padlock, holding out his hand for money

    The domain

    Shiny still owns the app's domain name, so he holds it hostage and demands more money for it. There is no app on it. There was never going to be.

  3. A few months later

    A delighted hiring manager reads Shiny's CV and gives a thumbs up

    The CV

    By total chance, the client's cousin finds Shiny's CV, loves it, and wants to hire him for a real job that pays very well.

  4. Interview day

    Shiny in a tinfoil hat screams into a phone in front of a conspiracy board with red string

    The call

    She phones to set up an interview. Shiny notices she has the same surname as the client he scammed, decides it is a trap to lure him out, and screams at her about the conspiracy until she hangs up.

  5. Today

    Shiny peeks suspiciously through window blinds at night

    Still watching

    The job was real. It went to someone else. Shiny still checks the street through his blinds every night, waiting for the cousins to make their move.

The lawsuit that never happened

For years, Shiny's favourite story was the time he took a billionaire to court and won.

What Shiny tells people

Shiny brags on top of a crate at a braai while bored neighbours ignore him

"I sued Jean du Goud. Took him to the cleaners. He still can't look me in the eye."

Told at braais, in the queue at the bank, at his cousin's wedding, and once to a petrol attendant who had only asked about his oil.

What actually happened

Jean du Goud laughs in disbelief on the phone in his office

Nothing. Jean du Goud had never heard of him.

Then a friend phoned Jean to ask about the famous lawsuit. Jean found it very funny, for about a minute. Then he called his lawyers.

Steyn, Steyn & Steyn

Attorneys, notaries and conveyancers

Dear Mr Shiny,

Re: Cease and desist: false claims of litigation against our client

We act for Mr Jean du Goud.

It has come to our client's attention that you have repeatedly told members of the public that you sued our client and won. You have done so at no fewer than fourteen braais, two weddings and one petrol station.

Our client has never been sued by you. Our client has never met you. Until last Tuesday, our client did not know you existed.

We therefore demand that you immediately:

  1. stop telling anyone that you sued our client;
  2. stop introducing yourself as "the man who beat Du Goud";
  3. take down the framed newspaper article about the case, which you printed yourself.

Should you fail to comply within seven days, our client will do what you only pretended to do, and take you to court.

Yours faithfully,
P. Steyn
Steyn, Steyn & Steyn

Shiny on his knees, sobbing over the legal letter
Shiny, on reaching paragraph three.

Shiny in love

Every relationship Shiny has been in happened entirely inside his head.

  1. Shiny lies on the floor gazing at a photo on his phone, hearts over his head

    He sees her once

    One photo, online. She is the love of his life.

  2. Shiny studies a photo of lunch through a magnifying glass

    He reads the signs

    She posts her lunch. He knows the lunch is about him.

  3. Shiny points at a whiteboard of wedding cakes, houses and babies

    He plans the future

    Names the kids, books the venue. She still does not know his name.

  4. Shiny records a passionate voice note in bed at night

    He makes his move

    A nine-minute voice note at 2am. She was asleep.

  5. Shiny in a tinfoil hat glares at an unanswered message

    She never replies

    He decides the cousins got to her.

Two days later, he sees another photo. Back to step 1.

The many careers of Shiny

When he isn't running a company, Shiny is also, by his own account, an elite athlete and a recording artist.

  • Cage fighter

    Undefeated in the cage, which he has never entered.

    The record
    Lost 14 straight sparring sessions to his own reflection. The plaster on his nose is from round one. His coach says he could not fight his way out of a wet paper packet.

    Whose fault it is: The mirror. It hits first and it cheats.

  • Powerlifter

    Trains six days a week and cries on all six.

    The record
    Personal best: 1kg, nearly. Has been working on the same lift since 2019.

    Whose fault it is: Gravity, the bar, and his spotter, who was never there.

  • Music producer

    Sitting on 4,000 unreleased beats that nobody is allowed to hear.

    The record
    Tracks released: none. Wears foil under the headphones so the record labels cannot read his mind.

    Whose fault it is: Spotify, the labels, and whoever is standing behind him.

Personal achievements

Honours bestowed upon Shiny, verified by Shiny.

  • Most money raised for apps that do not exist

    Self-reported, 2019

  • Longest running "launching next week"

    212 consecutive weeks, certified by his own Instagram stories, 2022

  • Fastest exit in company history

    Left a board meeting through the bathroom window, 2021

  • Visionary of the Year

    Shiny Holdings, a subsidiary of The Midas Poes, 2023

  • Banned from three co-working spaces at the same time

    Their lawyers, jointly, 2024

  • Sold the same domain name to four different buyers

    All four buyers, 2025

Got a Shiny story?

Shiny has been busy, and more stories are on the way. We are taking submissions from all over South Africa. If you have a Shiny story you think we would love, tell us what happened.

Send us your story

Real names are always changed, and nobody gets credited unless they ask to be.